Choose the Dialogue

Today I have been thinking about this little piece of advice that I seem to hear coming from every direction, "stop caring what people think." It's a seemingly impossible feat that comes through social media posts, past teachers and bosses, and other random remarks that conveyed that all I needed to do was to hear the message and then I would be able to let all my anxieties go. However, I believe it is the least helpful advice. Caring about where you stand in a community is deeply ingrained into our human DNA. Something older than civilization, and one little quote in pretty typography on Facebook isn't going to chance that.
For me, there was also this misconception that to not caring what people think meant hardening myself to the circumstances around me. Like Kat in one of my favorite movies, 10 Things I Hate About You; or countless other ways that story sunk in for me. But, it didn't work.
All that happened as I tried to step our of other people's commentaries was this negative cycle of retreating farther and farther into myself.
Then slowly, over time I chose to look at this differently. Without knowing where it would lead me.
I chose to be easier on myself and easier on the people around me.
When I try something new and I mess up, I skip the internal dialogue as soon as I become aware of it. Maybe the reason we adults are so afraid to try new things is because we mentally beat ourselves into a corner when it doesn't go well (and our first time at anything rarely goes perfectly). My own inner dialogue was mean, and the only thing it did was make it harder the next time I wanted to work on something.
The second part was when I catch myself judging others, I back out of that dialogue too and try to offer my unspoken support to that person instead.
And as I let those things go, I in turn felt more supported.
Soon after I had this thought; what if how much we worry that we are being judged by others is a reflection of how much we judge others (and/or ourselves)? 
Now, in my life when I want to try something that isn't what the group is doing. I honor that it makes sense to me in my body and I do it. And you know what happens when I do something a little different from the rest of the group? Absolutely nothing, nobody throws dirty glances or tries to correct me, nothing happens except that I did what made sense for me.
And now on the other side, I still care what people think (that is part of being human). However, I can trust that others are being as generous with their judgements about me as I am being with mine about them. Whether or not that is true, my unexpected side effect is, my self worth in no longer wrapped up in whether or not other people agree with my decisions. And I think that should be the point.