Rough Draft

Today I have been thinking that in life, we take steps as the come. When we are little we don't have a lot of say in the choices that become written into our stories. When we get older and begin to make our own decisions, we are making them with little to no experience. Our stories were written through those experiences, and how we handle situations becomes habitual.
I am starting to think of life as a rough draft.
When we are young we have an outline of how we think life will go. But, when has life ever turned out the way we imagined? Unknown situations arrive and our inexperience can leave our stories full of plot holes (because we don't always have the full story) and spelling errors.
I am just realizing that I have been building my life on the habitual experiences that have been written into my story. Anger, frustration, self-doubt, self-worth, have been on automatic for much too long. Making decisions without even realizing the reasons behind my choices.
Now, as I am coming to the end of my twenties and approaching my thirties, I see that my life is in need of a second draft. I need to let go of the lines that are no longer relevant, and add in the experiences that will determine how my story continues.
I wish it was as easy as hitting backspace along the lines of what I no longer need; in reality it is taking a lot of self-reflection. It is opening old pains that need to be sorted through.
Believe me, I would rather leave some of the old lines alone, and pretend they are not part of my book, but that is not how life works. Opening those old pages is more difficult than I knew it would be. However, the alternative is far worse. The alternative would be letting my rough draft define this next part in my life; I won't let it. I am not a victim in my story. I am beautiful and I am love and I am a warrior. And though my body shakes while I write this, my heart knows I am more than my circumstances. I am strong and I am my own author, illustrator, and narrator. I will not be quiet and small and let someone else write my story for me. Yes, life come at me, the good and the bad always will, but I will not shy away from joy in the good, and the lessons in the bad. I will make my way through this, and the life I am meant to be living is waiting for me on the other side.