I Believe In...

A few months ago I witnessed myself becoming more spiritual. I say witnessed because it was not even a conscious decision, more like an experience that happened. Many, many little things happened along the way. Now you will find me watching Gabby Bernstein and Marie Forleo, reading, reading, reading, and having in depth talks about manifesting and spirituality.

This switch came as a surprise to everyone who knew me, but to nobody more than myself, a previously devote atheist.
There was a bit of rebelling against religion, but there was no "rock bottom" moment that was the catalyst for me to "turn my life around." It was much more subtle transition, one that I barely saw coming. I was making these tiny tiny decisions unconsciously until I became present to the experience and began to trust.

It started small (like all great things) with signing up for yoga; I wanted to start exercising. And that's what it was for about a year, I loved it, but thought of it only as a work out. Then a small thing happened; yoga helped me let go of cynicism and my repressed anger and begin to live a more compassionate life. I started eating vegetarian and with that came a new respect for life; animals, nature, earth, people, myself. It was as if I was letting go of pessimism and grabbing onto compassion; I could almost feel my body beginning to regain some balance.

Shortly after, I kept hearing the same prompt (that I now understand was exactly what I needed) and it kept saying, "meditate." I first considered it after hearing Chase Jarvis explain how he did it, visualize and practice gratitude, and that was the style that I picked up. Slowly, it changed my life. Anxiety, while always there, began to speak quieter. Love began to have more space and became more profound. Compassion, connection, self-love, all forms of love, all the things that had been lacking in my life began to find their way back.

I have a hard time explaining the switch that has taken place inside me. However, I will say whether or not it is logical is irrelevant. I came from a cold, insincere, judgmental (judging no one more than myself) place where I couldn't hold on to happiness; because it was always tied up in other circumstances. Now there is personal growth and vulnerability and connection and love and trust, everything that I had never been able to cultivate for myself in my attempt to do this all on my own.

I believe in love, and when has love ever been logical?